I don't really understand why whenever my family and I have a big get-together, I feel a lot more alone with them than when I was alone before they arrived. Maybe I am just a loner, but am I the only one who feels this way? I just feel so disconnected. Like we are not on the same page, perhaps not even reading the same book.

My mom is running around making sure everything is done and everybody is happy, so she is never around, and her face, of course, is always comforting. I'm never really sure what my dad is doing, I think last night he was cooking the hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill the whole party (it was my little brother Sammy's second birthday party last night). My aunt says "Hi." to me, after she strolls in an hour and a half late, and then is the first one to leave, and sometimes forgets to say bye. Disregarding the fact that three years ago, I was over at her house at least once a week. Now she is disconnected from the family, and I'm not really sure why.
I always feel like my dad's side of the family is uncomfortable, and it makes me sad. But then they make me uncomfortable with their unfailing ability to be louder than I thought possible. The kids run around, content and innocent, and I remember how awkward I am now, not a little girl but not by any means grown up. Nobody is able to relate to me, nobody is my age, nobody makes an effort to have a conversation. But I understand. I mean really, what is there to talk about with me?

They are my family; I am obligated to love, or at least tolerate, them. And I do love them. But really, why do I feel so... awkward and lonely and disconnected and so many other not-so-great adjectives whenever I see them?